Of Failures and Small Victories

Failure in music doesn’t always mean writing something unworthy. More often, it feels like silence. Not the silence between notes, but the silence after you’ve shared them with the world.

When I first started posting on Threads, my words reached thousands of eyes each day. Now, they reach only a few dozen. What changed? Perhaps the platform, perhaps the algorithms – or perhaps nothing at all. The truth is, musicians rarely know who is really listening. Numbers and impressions don’t tell you whether someone has carried your song into their night, or let it slip past without a thought.

And so, the hardest part isn’t rejection – it’s uncertainty. You play into the void, and the void offers no answer.

Yet, in that same void, I’ve found a strange kind of growth. Without clear echoes from outside, I turned inward. I worked on my craft: learning to mix and master, to shape sound with precision rather than abandon. My early music was raw, thrash-driven, born of instinct and fire. Over time, instinct gradually gave way to intent, and fury became some sort of architecture.

No one claps when you refine the decay of a single note, or when you learn how silence can weigh heavier than distortion. These are invisible victories – but they are victories nonetheless.

Silence, then, is not always a fall. Sometimes it’s a teacher, stripping away the illusion of control, reminding you that recognition is never guaranteed. And in that emptiness, it leaves you free to create.

I cannot know how many of you truly hear me. But I know I hear myself more clearly now than I once did. And perhaps that is the quiet gift hidden inside the failures.

Earlier, I reflected on this in another post—The Art of Authenticity: Rethinking Success in Music. You can find it here.

Unveiling the Soundscapes: A Progress Report on My Upcoming Album

It’s time for a quick update on where I stand with the creation of my new album. As of now, about 80% of the guitar and bass tracks have been recorded, and the orchestral arrangements and additional instrumentation are nearly complete. Currently, I’m deep into programming the drum parts while also recording vocals with the help of some talented friends. Expect a mix of guttural male growls, ethereal female vocals, and even some choir sections where you might hear my own voice in the mix.

As for the guitar solos? Most of them are still in the idea phase, waiting to be fully realized. But one thing’s for sure – the album will feature a booklet with conceptual photography, courtesy of a friend who’s capturing the visual essence of the project.

What can you expect from this release? First and foremost, the sound will be deeper, more thunderous, and more immersive than anything I’ve done before. The vocals will range from aggressive growls to soaring clean female singing, layered with deep, polyphonic choruses. Lyrically, the album explores the fear, confusion, alienation, and even rage of an individual standing before the vast unknown of a transcendent reality. The lyrics will be primarily in English, with some sections in Latin to enhance the atmosphere.

Musically, the album draws heavily from thrash and progressive metal, infused with elements of classical and modern symphonic composition. You’ll also find influences from Middle Eastern and Balkan folk music woven into the sonic tapestry.

This is shaping up to be my most ambitious and emotionally intense work yet. Stay tuned – there’s much more to come! The album is expected to be released in the summer of 2025.

The Art of Slow Destruction and Rebirth

I’m not afraid to admit it: progress on the new album has been steady but deliberate. This time, I’m venturing into uncharted territory. For the first time ever, vocals will play a key role, and the sound…? It’s thicker, heavier, and more brutal than anything I’ve done before, thanks to the punishing growl of standard C tuning.

But it’s not just about the sound – this album is a journey. I’m weaving a deeper cohesion into every track, using recurring musical motifs and lyrical themes to tie the whole thing together. Stylistically, it’s my signature blend of experimental thrash and death metal infused with progressive and symphonic elements. Lyrically, I’m diving into themes of existential uncertaintydisillusionment, and the flickering light of hope – all through the lens of our search for meaning beyond the veil of the physical world.

This project means too much to me to rush. There’s no deadline, just the relentless pull of creativity driving me forward in every spare moment. I promise, I’m giving it everything I’ve got – and when it’s finally ready, I hope it resonates with you.

Thank you for sticking with me and supporting this journey. Your faith in me fuels every note I write. Stay tuned – it’ll be worth the wait!

Another short video teaser

Hey everyone,

This is just a small excerpt from one of the new songs for you. It’s neither short or long (and definitely doesn’t sound like final), but I hope you can catch a glimpse from the general feeling of the new album. And yes, I was bored and did some experimentation with the video filters – that’s why the hard light and black cuts lol…

Do you like it? Let me know it in the comments!

A short sneak peek into the new songs

I’ve been working on new songs for a while. Although I’m still in the recording/mixing phase (for me, these things somehow always intermingle…), let me share with you guys a very short teaser.

I know that it’s still very preliminary, but let me know in the comments, what you think!

Of wishes and motivations

I always wanted to write this post, but I never had the courage. I don’t even have it now, but still… I’m going to tell the story anyway, no matter what.

Sometimes there exist only short answers to extremely difficult problems – and a person’s inner motivation is definitely one of those hard questions that can be answered either in a single sentence or in several volumes. Still, I’m going to stay somewhere in between these two extremities. While the answer to the question “why I write and play music at all?” is indeed quite simple, my explanation may consist of a somewhat lenghty description of all the elements of the concise answer.

So why…? Well, my answer in itself is really not that complicated – at least for the first look -: I just wanted to create something really meaningful that truly reflects the essence of everything I am. While I don’t think that my other creative activities lack any meaning – I work as a neuroscientist during the day and have great hobbies to spend my free time -, I always felt that something was “missing from the equation”: the results of my activities always felt somewhat incomplete. Science is basically an intellectual challenge, and I find it cool that I can take part in research activities that may lead to disease treatments. Also, I’m currently writing a book based on decades of research (I’m not exaggerating – I’m really that maniac lol…) summarizing the history of my family with lots of personal reflections and outlooks. But this is also something that basically utilizes the intellectual part of my mind, without substantially involving the emotional aspects of my soul. As I basically am an emotion-driven person, I find it equally important to perfectly express one single feeling as to summarize 400 years of the history of a small Austro-Hungarian family. The manuscript of my book is – of course – valuable to me (otherwise I wouldn’t have put so much effort in those endless research hours in various archives…), but it has always been crucial for me to find something that incorporates both the emotional as well as the cognitive/intellectual aspects of my brain.

And this is where art crawls into the picture. It’s probably not an accident that I’ve always been attracted to art and artists – especially to music and musicians. I have always been quite happy with the scientific papers and poems I wrote (and hopefully I will be proud of my genealogy-based book too, once it will be published…), but if you read my writings, you can get to know only my “rational” side. I, however, wanted to find something more holistic that summarizes both my feelings and my thoughts: something that fully represents everything I am. And this is what I can do through music.

It’s these words and music that keeps me living, keeps me breathing” – says one of the best Life of Agony songs, and although I don’t use lyrics for my music, even I intend to transmit messages not only through sounds, but also through visual and verbal clues using appropriate cover images, song and album titles. But the overall framework is music – a framework that contains pieces from the essence of my life: feelings, thoughts, emotions, affections, memories, beliefs… and in general: everything. The creative process of this “musical storytelling” keeps me living a wholesome life and breathing healty air – and if things go in the right way, you will hopefully better understand me through my music than words. You will understand not only the easily digestible superficial information, but also those things that I’m unable, afraid or simply ashamed to tell you in words. You will understand the “real me”. The question – of course – arises: what is this desperate urge of self-expression? In a world where identity gets a rightfully increasing attention, I identify myself a music maniac, who condenses and presents his inner self using this particular type of art. But if I try to identify the source of this drive to express and share myself, I often end up with Jack Kerouac’s immortal words: “I’m writing this book because we’re all going to die“. Well, I’m writing my book of music, because we’re all going to die – I’m going to die, too. But before I die, I feel the urge to create something that I think is “really me”. It’s not because I consider myself more talented or better trained than anyone else. It’s also not because I think that my thoughts are worthier to share than anyone else’s thoughts: I don’t feel the need to compete with anyone (only with myself). I just learned the hard way that all my efforts to create something proved to be (at least partially) dead ends – except this one.

Please, listen to me, and understand me. There is something immortal behind the surface of things, and I will do my best to find it, condense it and present to you.

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

(Dylan Thomas)

Transmit feelings without words…?

I’m sorry if this post will be slightly longer than usual, but when I started this website, I decided to create something honest and genuine, without limitations and self-censure. Probably all of you guys are more than fed up with my favorite Oscar Wilde quote (“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken”), but the truth still lies somewhere here: artists have a chance to create something meaningful only through genuineness and honesty – even if it results in long and exhausting blogposts, clearly kicking over the alleged “rules” of social media to write concise posts and bold statements.

To start with, let me tell you that recently I got extremely thought-provoking reviews on many of my songs. The feedback basically came from two major sources: (1) I showed a couple of tracks to curators of metal playlists and blogs for consideration to stream/publish on their respective platforms, and (2) being intended to represent the Roman Catholic mass in an expreimental way, my Missa Innominata was presented to a group of musicians involved in religious music. The outcome of these discussions were two-fold. First of all, while almost everyone affirmed that the songs are well-written, well-played and inventive (I was absolutely honored by this incredible feedback btw!), many of my reviewers and listeners claimed that they would perform better, if they contained lyrics and vocals. Besides, Missa Innominata triggered an interesting and inspiring discussion on the abilities of instrumental music to represent and express spirituality. Altogeter, both lines of feedback led in the same direction, raising questions about the legitimacy and viability of instrumental rock/metal music in our contemporary musical culture.

Interestingly, no such questions are posed to – for example – instrumental jazz, which is generally considered a legitime way to express feelings and thoughts. The answer may lay in the alleged (or rather hypothesized) nature of metal music, a genre that has long been marginalized due to its undoubtedly nonconformist character held by many as a rebellious and unpeaceful way of opposing traditional values and lifestyle. Metal, is usually considered to be able to express only negative feelings like rage, hatred or sadness – however, the truth is that it’s not even a single entity, but rather an umbrella term for a variety of different characteristically distinct subgenres. Without the urge to defend something that actually doesn’t need to be defended, let me emphasize that this diversity renders metal music capable to express feelings and emotions on an extremely wide spectrum. Although the “faces” of instrumental rock/metal – guitar virtuosos like Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Buckethead or Tony Macalpine – put an enormous emphasis on technical perfection, many metal bands incorporating instrumental tracks in their albums concentrated on inventive songwriting and harmony progression rather than personal shredding abilities (two of my favorites are A Day at Guyana from Agent Steel and It’s a Secret from Metal Church). Instrumental metal, therefore – like every other musical genres – has unlimited (however, still unexploited) abilities in this regard.

This clearly constitutes an unmet need – a niche that must be filled sooner or later. While I’m well aware that most people can “get into a song” primarily through lyrics, I look at instrumental metal music as an endless possibility to be exploited and utilized. I am convinced that music in general may substantially profit from the textualization of thoughts and feelings: lyrics can create an added value that might lead the listener into the deepest layers of the composer’s soul. Still, certain types of music doesn’t need lyrics to transmit these feelings and emotions – it depends on the character of the music. The absence of lyrics may provide an enormous opportunity for the listener to interpret the harmonies and melodies in a completely free way. I must admit that I myself experimented quite a lot with lyrics – still, my current creative process is based on playing the guitar. I, therefore, found my own lyrics artificial and inappropriate.

So, what now? Nothing, I suppose. I will continue making instrumental music until I feel that the presence of words become crucial for me to express something specific in my songs. While I don’t exclude the possibility to write music with lyrics and vocals in the future, my present ideas for my two or three new tracks are centered around my comfort zone by playing the guitar and composing instrumental music. I’m well aware that there’s are faster guitarists, better songwriters and definitely more good-looking guys out there than I am or will ever be – still, those two albums in the Releases section of this website are me: and in this sense of the word they are faithful reflections of their creator’s character. I hope you’ll find the third one an organic continuation of the previous two.

The Art of Authenticity: Rethinking Success in Music

I recently came across an interesting article on Thomann’s Facebook page about writing good songs. Thomann, one of the world’s largest musical instrument retailers, shared insights into creating music that resonates with listeners. While the piece was enlightening, it also reinforced a realization: if the goal of songwriting is commercial success, then everything I’ve done so far has been an endless series of mistakes.

There’s a common belief – especially among classically trained musicians – that self-taught artists like me lack the necessary foundation to form valid opinions on these topics. However, I firmly believe that one doesn’t need degrees or certifications to have a meaningful perspective on art and music. After all, music is ultimately about expression, not just technical mastery.

The article provided a fascinating breakdown of human psychology and how musicians can leverage it. According to the author, a catchy song should be no longer than 3–3.5 minutes, have a clear and predictable structure, and feature an engaging bridge after the second chorus. It should emphasize the opening, middle, and ending moments to captivate the listener. While these principles undoubtedly contribute to mass appeal, they also imply that music should be meticulously designed to fulfill expectations rather than existing as an organic, free-flowing form of expression. Under this framework, the artist is essentially a strategist, carefully crafting songs to meet predefined criteria.

With all due respect, I see things differently.

If we remove commercial success from the equation, what remains is pure artistic intent. As someone who balances music with a full-time career in neuroscience, I have the luxury of creating without financial pressure. This allows me to focus solely on artistic authenticity rather than catering to trends. That said, independent musicians – perhaps even more than their mainstream counterparts – long for connection and appreciation. The challenge is breaking through the overwhelming noise of today’s music industry. Yet, despite this difficulty, I see independence as both a privilege and a responsibility. I know my lengthy instrumental prog/thrash compositions are niche, but I also know there are listeners out there who seek exactly this kind of music. Your presence here is proof of that.

Music, and art in general, should not be reduced to a formula for popularity or profit. Of course, musicians deserve compensation for their work, but the primary focus should always be on originality and finding the right audience – not on adapting to whatever is trending. Art is not a competition to be won. It’s not about being faster, louder, or more technically impressive than those who came before. Nor should it be a mere reflection of current tastes, designed for mass consumption at the cost of individuality. Art should retain its intrinsic values, regardless of its reception.

For me, music is the purest and most powerful form of human communication. It does not need to be complex, technical, or fit within predefined structures to be meaningful. What matters most is authenticity. As Oscar Wilde famously wrote, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” If that means my songs don’t conform to the three-minute radio-friendly format, so be it. If my music doesn’t follow the conventional verse-chorus structure, it’s not because I’m trying to revolutionize music theory – it’s simply because that’s not how my ideas naturally emerge. Writing music with the sole purpose of increasing listener numbers or maximizing algorithmic reach feels hollow to me. Instead, my goal is to connect with those who truly resonate with my music. And for that, I’m incredibly grateful to you for being here.

Someone once said, “If you can’t achieve great things, achieve small things in a great way.” I would rephrase this: Art is already great in itself. You don’t need to be widely recognized or commercially successful to partake in that greatness. The act of creating is enough. If you give your all, there will always be people who appreciate it. Trying to capture attention without authenticity results in sterile, soulless music. It may be lucrative, but it will never fulfill art’s primary purpose: to connect people on an emotional, intimate level.

If my music ever fails to achieve that, then I’d rather set my guitar aside.

But I truly hope that’s not the case.

Of song lyrics and instrumental music

Why I ended up playing instrumental music? This is another good question that I used to get quite often from my friends – and at the same time this is a tricky one that’s pretty hard to answer. The music I make is just a snapshot of a quite long “evolutionary process” – so I think it’s better to go into details, if I want to formulate a reasonable response.

In the beginning – similarly to most of the musicians in the rock/metal scene – I wanted to write and play traditional songs with vocals. However, I’ve never been sure about the exact nature of the vocals that I wanted to incorporate. At the beginning I felt like slightly harsh but still melodic (let’s say, “Nevermore-style”) vocals would fit well to my music. Then I started to experiment with classical harmonies and fell in love with polyphonic choirs and female vocals. Still, somehow I always felt that writing melodies for vocals is not my business: it never went so smoothly than working with guitars. I think this kind of hesitation was the first momentum that suggested me to express my thoughts with sounds rather than with words.

I wrote numerous song lyrics, nonetheless. However, neither the rhytmicity nor the topics of my texts fitted well to the medium/fast tempo and the impetus of my thrash metal-based musical creations: they resembled more to poems than to song lyrics and fitted better to the textual world of gothic or doom metal songs. Therefore, as time passed by, I became increasingly uneasy with the idea of incoprorating my texts into songs. It also felt somewhat unnatural for me to synchronize the tight and fast thrash tempos with the unique accentuation of the Hungarian language. When it comes to songwriting, I basically think in guitar harmonics and melodies, rather than the characteristic sound of the human voice – therefore I felt like I can express myself better via the possibilities of instrumental music than through some enforced marriage of poem-like, gloomy Hungarian texts with my thrash metal-based rhytmical constructions.

This is basically the reason, why I ended up writing and playing instrumental music.